What Self-Care?
It’s only relatively late in life – when I became a mother to be exact - that I began to get interested in the very notion of self-care.
As a teen or in my twenties, it wasn’t even on my radar. There were so many urgent priorities and goals to achieve. Family and society were urging me to get the best education I could, find a ‘serious’ yet exciting career, and chose a ‘good’ partner that would tick the boxes. My own wellbeing, mental health, or joy, if not dismissed officially, were at least not a real topic of discussion.
As a perfectionistic, anxious woman with high-functioning depression and a dash of complex PTSD, I had soldiered through life’s demands and challenges like a bulldozer. Hurting myself – and probably some others – in the process.
It’s only when I found out I was pregnant with my first child that I started really to care. At first, not actually for me, but for the well-being of my baby. First, I cared about my physical health and from there and gradually, began my self-care journey.
Along the way, I learned that food supplements, days at the spa, and girls’ nights out - while important, don’t get me wrong - are not all there is to self-care.
Meaningful self-care has to be holistic. And integrative. So that we can to maintain and improve our well-being in all its dimensions: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and even social.
We are most familiar with taking care of our physical health. It involves good sleeping habits (regularity, sufficient duration, and avoiding doing the things that hinder our sleep such as looking at a screen or eating a heavy meal right before bed). It requires good eating habits (for example eating as much clean, plant-based foods or animal-based foods that are sourced in a humane and healthy way). And it involves regular exercise (so you can kick your metabolism up a notch, and get your energy flowing and pumping), and preferably outdoors and in nature (so you can benefit from an infusion of plants and animals energy).
Self-care also requires us to check our mental health - the challenge of the century. As it turns out, most of us, particularly if we live in western or northern parts of the planet, are unwell. Just look at statistics about anti-anxiety and anti-depressant drug consumption. Managing stress is our first and foremost need (much more on that in later blogs) but not the only one. We also need to challenge and stimulate our brains in a way that makes us happy. Even if your work is your passion - in which case, congratulations, you are part of the lucky minority who feel aligned with their career, this is a major achievement! - you will still benefit greatly from other activities for fun’s sake. We also need to take a honest look at ourselves and our mental health struggles and, if in doubt, seek help from professionals when needed.
Self-care also needs to include our emotions. This is our ability to be aware of, understand, express, and manage our emotions in a healthy way. It involves cultivating positive relationships, practicing self-compassion, and developing resilience to cope with what life will inevitably throw at us.
Depending on our spiritual beliefs, we also want to cultivate practices that foster connection, purpose, and meaning. As someone who grew up as a staunch atheist, I discovered the importance of spirituality late in life. To me, it involves meditation, spending time in nature, practicing daily yoga, and being part of a community of like-minded girlfriends.
Humans are social animals. We are designed to live as part of a herd and connections with each others is our most primal need. Maintaining strong social connections and having a supportive network of chosen family and/or friends are crucial for overall well-being. We must ask ourselves if the people in our lives are contributing or hindering our joy and wellbeing. It can be difficult and painful and requires us, again to be honest with ourselves. Maintaining supportive relationships with family and friends includes practicing good communication, respecting each other’s boundaries, and doing things together.
And last but not least, we don’t talk enough about making sure our environment supports our health and happiness. Creating and maintaining a healthy living environment that promotes well-being involves a clean and organised home, a workspace that suits your personal preferences, reduces stress and helps you be more productive, and staying close to nature.
What I found out when I began trying to give myself the best care I could, is that any self-care routine will be unique to each person. It will also change and evolve over time, as we grow and evolve along. Holistic self-care is 100% personalized and as much as a coach or a guide are useful, especially at the beginning of your journey, ultimately you are the bond of your own well-being, fulfilment, and joy. Buddhists call that “radical responsibility”.
Author: Alice from How To Thrive